To get the week off to a light and relaxing start (in part because I still enjoying my mini-vacation), I thought I’d share a topic of conversation among my girlfriends recently (over a few glasses of wine, I might add).

In a deep discussion of the men in our lives, we all laughed and admitted how our definition of sexy has EVOLVED over the years. But before I share my own thoughts, I thought I would share the opinion of a few others I have met over the Internet (and hopefully one day can meet over wine as well).

What makes a man sexy?

In the twenties…..

Julie Bream, who made a wonderful contribution to “The Many Benefits of Running With Dogs” and shares her thoughts on living and eating healthy via her blog Peanut Butter Fingers, had this to say:

My definition of a sexy man is someone who is loving and not afraid to be their own person. A guy with a sense of humor and a sense of adventure is always sexy! I’m also a sucker for tall, athletic guys who are driven and ambitious. Some big ol’ biceps never hurt either. 😉

In the thirties…..

Dena Harris, star marathoner who loves cats and writes about a variety of topics on “Why Aren’t I in Charge,” gave us her definition:

I think what makes a man sexy is a sense of humor and especially having the confidence to laugh at himself. Being able to produce dark chocolate on demand also doesn’t hurt.

My list for the Top 5 Things That Make a Man Sexy Are:

  • Holds in-depth conversations with the dog/cat
  • Cleans the house
  • Is confident enough not to be jealous of my time spent with girlfriends, male friends, or alone time
  • Holds my hand
  • Knows when the tighty-whites have seen better days and moves on

In the forties…..

Love2EatinPA, who offers heartfelt confessions of a recovering compulsive eater (and currently training for a triathlon!), offers her thoughts on sexy:

In my late 20’s i realized that while looks and body were nice, what really mattered was what was on the inside – a great personality, sense of humor, being treated well by him, how he treated other people.

Now in my early forties, a man (ok, my husband!) is sexy to me because he a great father – very patient, a great listener, a great sense of humor, has sexy crinkles around the outside corners of his eyes when he smiles, has a zest for life and is so good to his friends and family.

In the fifties…..

Jody, fitness enthusiast who inspires others a daily basis through her advice and encouragement, responded as follows:

Well, Melinda, thank you for asking this 52 going on 53 year old lady this question! Yes, we still like sex & sexy at this age …. I hope for years to come too!!! (It may be more “problematic” now due to “the change of life” but we are not dead! 🙂

For me, being married for almost 27 years, some of the things that make a man sexy now are still the same for me as when I was young. I always liked a man with a sense of humor, treated me with respect and as an equal and was deep down a very good person … to me, this is sexy. Looks were never the main ingredient for me then or now but I did/do prefer a person that at least tries to care about his physical self, meaning being active & fairly decent shape. That does not mean it has to be muscles & all… just cares enough to be healthy.

All this did and still matters to me….. my husband fit the bill then & now. He always treated me as an equal, but did & still does want to open doors for me. He had children from another marriage & stayed completely and totally involved with them from the youngest age to now as grown adults. That tells you a lot about a man. And yes, he has a great sense of humor! All this & although he is not into the gym & weights like I am, he likes to stay active & in shape. Nobody ever guesses his correct age!

Now for my thoughts on the matter….

In my twenties, I must admit I frequently intertwined the definition of sexy with good-looking. A dazzling smile and twinkle in the eye, along with a really good sense of humor, were the qualities that won me over. (At this point, hair wasn’t even a consideration).

Moving into my thirties, I stuck to my original definition but also started to admire men who were really fit (and especially ones who could keep up with me on a mountain bike). I found funny men sexy, good dancers a dream, and I really liked the guys who still had a full head of hair.

Now in my forties, it’s an issue of substance. Sexy and good-looking is no longer about the outside, but instead about the inside. A bald man is just as sexy as one with a head of hair, and laughter is a non-negotiable. BIG BONUS POINTS for taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher and cleaning the bathroom. There’s nothing sexier than a man who has a vacuum or toilet bowl cleaner in his hand.

man cleaning toilet

In my fifties, well, I’m not there yet. But I can only hope I have as wonderful a definition as Jody provided above.

Thanks for everyone’s contributions. Now what’s YOUR definition of sexy?

About the author

Melinda is a marketer, researcher and writer. She also has a passion for healthy living, every day.